Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dilemma of working mother

There is no other Love like a mother's love for her child......

I often keep wondering how formally educated, economically independent working women with children and family strike a balance between the two roles. Managing Home and Work

As a working mother I used to often feel guilty about the time I had to spend away from my child and home. When the house is messy and I am just too tired to clean it after a full day of work and coming home to make dinner, look after child project work often I feelt like failure.

When I hear my child trying to express her day at pre school and her experience at school, there is the longing to witness all of those moment myself. I used to ponder with guilt when my child picked up yet another illness from the other children at school and the guilt was overwhelming

I have often observed that the working woman is always walking a tight rope where the smallest fault on her part forces her to start all over again. The smallest error at work poses questions about her seriousness and commitment towards work, and a similar situation at home raises a million questions about her priorities and her seeming “over-ambitiousness”.

She has to constantly rebuild the trust of others in herself and consciously prove her worth at every step. Often she finds there is no time to communicate with partner while managing work, and household priorities… Intimacy is a challenge and romance -high hurdle..

The financial rewards are also usually far from rewarding. Unless the working mother in question is blessed with family and friends willing to provide free or affordable daycare, most working Mothers pays a large amount of their paycheck to a daycare provider.

Well, the issue I have been pondering over is about going to work leaving my 'precious' child in another person's care. I am sure all mother knows how hard it is to do just leave the child at the hands of care taker/day care/maid/ nursery. Though people say that you get used to it and that children settle down, I wonder if any mother is REALLY ever free of the guilt. I have the great respect for mothers who stay at home and are involved in cooking, cleaning and keeping house as it is an endless and thankless job.

It's just that some individuals do not cope really well with staying at home all day. They need the stimulation and distraction that work brings, otherwise the frustration gets the better of them. And I belong to this category. I also believe in the concept of 'quality time' which is any day better than nagging or fussing over children or just letting them be (on their own).

The decision to work…….

After pondering over I decided that I will cope in my own way, in my own time and make a successful combination of home and career. And I'll always keep in mind the most powerful words on motherhood that I have ever come across which say that "a mother is a person not to lean on, but one who makes leaning unnecessary". So if as a mother I am able to achieve this I would have done my part duty w ell , irrespective of how many hours I spent sitting next to the little ones.

So I have decided that instead of "Feeling guilty about leaving the child rather I would focus on the quality time I spent with my child.

To support my decision I cannot undermine the role played by my life partner ie my husband... in making this possible. The contribution is unimaginable. As a male member in the family he has felt responsible towards our family and home right from the beginning of our marriage days. He has made all efforts to be always there with a helping hand, during our bearing and rearing. He has negotiated at his workplace, worked out a flexi working hours so that I could join work at the earliest as I could not afford to be on long leave as mine is a private sector job.

I feel that Life has already become a lot easier and more fulfilling for today’s working women like me but of course there are many who are not as fortunate as me. I always thank God for this blessing and pray that all working women of my kind also get the support. The satisfaction of sharing responsibilities with my male counterpart gave me confidence to face challenges with a smile and ease. This has helped me to pursue my work, manage child and home guilt-free and it feels like being liberated in the true sense of the word. Slowly I am not feeling defensive about going to work."

I would just like to share the joyful manifesto for working mothers

We do it with the help of family and friends who pitch in, with husbands who learn how to support us. We do it by cramming more into a weekday and a weekend than we thought was humanly possible. We do it by finding confidence in our own choices. And, increasingly, we do it with the support of our workplaces."

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